I have already written about my story on here a couple of times, in short detail. I dont want or need to share everything but I wanted to touch on parts of my past in the hope it could help others. I get anxiety about opening up, if i’m honest, it petfrifys me. However, I feel like the time is right to share something that has subconcoiusly been effecting me for a while. I have mentally fought against it, and have truely become a professional about putting my positive pants on. So here goes…
Life is full of up and downs, and its the downs that make the ups so great. We all live with challenges, tough patches and fights that we have to deal with on our own. Life is also all about choices, you can choose to be happy, live your life, or choose to linger around the obsticles.
For some of us life is out of our control. What we were born with is something that will never leave us. I was born with a condition that for years I convinced myself it would never effect me. Since an age where I could understand, I have put on a front, forgotten that I have a problem and even lied to help cover it.
Im not sure if I was embaraased or just didnt want to be seen as different. I honestly convinced myself that I could live the rest of my life like this, until a couple of years ago when it started to bite back.
Even though I was suffering, I palmed it off on other things, and self diagnosed myself to not have to think about the blinding truth that was staring me in the face. I refused to change, fought back at any medical proffesional and continued to live my life the way I thought life should be.
Denial is such a dangerous thing, espeshially when you dont realise you are in it.
Yesterday I went to the hospital, for about the 1oth time this year, but something was different. I woke up. Today came the crashing and devistating realisation that I have a condition and it HAS been effecting me for the whole 24 years I have lived. Because I have ignored it, I have been gradually getting worse and worse. Not listening to myself when I was in pain, refusing to come to terms with the devastating truth that this was never going to go away.
Now I am older the doctors feel able to tell me more, which is the scariest things I have ever been faced with. Like I said, I’m not going to go into much detail in this post as the information still needs to settle in me and I need to learn to accept what my future may look like before sharing. Right now I feel out of control and overwhelmed.
All I know now and my message to YOU is that we only get one life, and life can be shorter than you expect or want. Live YOUR life the way YOU want, live it to the full and do things that fill you with joy. You dont have to follow the crowd or be the norm. I have been snapped out of the ‘reality’ I thought I was living and I am going to make some dramatic changes to help the quality of my life.
I dont really agree with New Years Resolutions unless they are to do with Self love. This year I have set three of my own and they are:
- Don’t hide from the truth, learn to accept it.
- Step towards your fears.
- Dont dwell on something you cannot change, live everyday as if its your last.
I will finish with one of my favourite quotes:
“Fall down 7 times, stand up 8”
Love Georgie xxx